Forgive Me My Sins by Natasha Knight

Author:Natasha Knight [Knight, Natasha]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Natasha Knight Publishing

15

Santos

“She stays inside,” I tell Val. “No one goes in. No one.”

Because I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother decided to pay a visit to my wife to be sure our marriage was consummated. That everything is wrapped up tight.

To be honest, I’m glad to leave Madelena there because this is fucking hard, harder than I expected. Not that I thought she’d be any different. She has claws—she always has—and bite. I wonder if she realizes that.

But what happened just then, the way she responded, the way she looked at me, clung to me, the way she came? It wasn’t what I expected or how I’d expected it to be. I took from her tonight, but she also gave to me, and I don’t understand.

I strip off the rest of my clothes in the room she’d stayed in last night. This will be her bedroom for the nights she’s not sleeping in mine. I walk into the bathroom and run the shower but turn to take in my reflection before stepping under the flow. She left rivulets of open skin down my back to match those on my chest. I don’t think I’ll ever forget her cry when I pushed into her. She’d tried to muffle the sound in my shoulder, but I heard it, felt it, and for one brief moment, it was her pain I felt.

But then the warmth of her took over, and everything else was background to that building of tension—of orgasm just there, just beyond. I gave myself over to the darkness because that is where all violence lies and sex is violence in its own way. A taking. But then her grip turned clinging. Her breathing shifted.

And when I looked into her eyes, I saw a darkness there. It’s different from mine, though. Hers is desolate, alone, and something about that makes my chest tighten.

I shake my head, remembering the blood on her thighs. I should have been more careful with her. I should have tried harder to stave off the beast at least this first time. But it is too strong and always has been. Even though the Commander has been dead for five years—even though all that time has passed—it is ever present, and to think it ever sleeps is a mistake.

I step into the shower, turning the tap so the temperature is freezing cold. It’s a small penance. I make myself look at the blood that washes off me. Her virgin blood. Why wasn’t I more careful with her? Just as when I sliced her palm to make the blood oath, I think about how I do not deserve her—and how she certainly does not deserve me.

After my shower, when I can’t stand the cold for another minute, I change into a different suit. I walk through the bedroom. Her things are here, mostly unpacked. Her tote is on the bed. I unzip it and look inside, finding her personal things, including her sketchbooks and the photos I remember from her room at the college.

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